Weekend Update Jokes

Week of September 1st, 2014

California lawmakers passed a bill on Thursday to help reduce the amount of sexual assault on college campuses,’ the governor would like to remind you that the ‘Yes Means Yes’ campaign also encourages you to say ‘please’ and ‘thank you.’

A nine year old girl who was being taught to fire an UZI shotgun, accidentally shot and killed her instructor this week. The gun range is now considering banning anyone who still needs their mittens pinned to their jackets, but worry it would unintentionally affect other gun-enthusiasts such as Sarah Palin and Ted Nugent.

Officially official
Prepping my jokes for the stork club August 8th. Come out! It’s free! 
Thursday, 7 pm Oakland.